All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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