Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
