Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
