I must be too annoying 4 u.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
