brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
