So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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