So drunk, too bad you don't want this
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
