well I can't set my house on fire every night
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
