I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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