those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
