Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
