You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
