guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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