I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
COCAINE IS GR8
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
