So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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