worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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