my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
