Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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