Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
