every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Life is so much better after having sex.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
