She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
