we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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