on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
accomplished twins. life is a go
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
