This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
