I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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