I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
