Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
