Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
