my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
