Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
