don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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