My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
