In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
