Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
