And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
