what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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