Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
