I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
