Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
