Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
