I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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