I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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