Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
it hurts more in the daytime
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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