i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize