Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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