I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize