not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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