Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
