This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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