I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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