I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
