The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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