I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
