What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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