There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
