KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dear god my vagina.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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