You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
