You really coming over, don't trick.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
