people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
