I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
