i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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