Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
