I want to make a zoo with you.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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