i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
