Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
