saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize