worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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