Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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