I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
