we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
