he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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